I’ve always told all of you how much I love Heretic. His Blasphemy Day post is superb.
I was thinking of ways to blaspheme the Lord… I’ve already done it, and I’ve already denied the Holy Spirit. As a refresher for you religionuts/fundagelicals, this means that I cannot be saved or forgiven, it’s over for me. I’m cool with it. Doesn’t bother me.
Yesterday, I helped a man who was dying. It was, to put it lightly, very surreal and fucked up…
I’m in this giant mega-chain store with one of my individuals. (I work with adults with disabilities. Ironically, considering the circumstances of this story, I previously trained to be an EMT, but I didn’t think I’d like it at all so I quit.) We’re getting him a new winter coat, I promised two weeks ago, but the coats weren’t even out then. What the hell? I saw they were out this last weekend, so we decide to run over there before he has to be dropped off at work.
We’re in the checkout line and I hear this man cry out. A lady yells “Oh, he fell!” I look, and the lady is standing there staring at this man on the ground near us. No one is doing anything. I tell my guy to stay near me but not get too close and I run over there. (My guy follows, he’s doing awesome!)
I see a man face down. “Sir, are you okay?” I ask loudly. The lady says, “He probably can’t hear you, he has a hearing aid…” This must be his wife, then. I look down again, and louder say “Sir, are you okay???” I look up to ask his name and the lady is gone, she’s walking away pushing her cart. I guess that is not his wife. I reach down to touch his shoulder, as he’s wiggling a little and moaning. “Sir, can you talk to me? Are you okay?” Then I see blood spurting. Fuck. I do the text book moves. Point at a lady and say “You, call 911 NOW!” She runs to call.
I tell him I’m going to lift him up a bit/turn him over. He’s still not responsive but is making odd noises, half moans half gurgles. I see that when he fell, he somehow cut his nose, I think ‘Glasses, glasses, he must have been wearing glasses or something, fuck that’s a lot of blood, stop that, stop it, stop it from bleeding.’ I yell, “Give me something to stop this bleeding!” Nothing. I yell “Throw me a roll of paper towels, anything!” Roll him over so we can stop this bleeding. I take the bag out of his right hand and slide it away from us so it’s not in the way. There’s toilet paper in there. Why do I think that, it doesn’t matter, what the hell? I see an employee, she has paper towels. I know her. We were friends years ago, when I was 21 years old. I haven’t seen her in a long time. I know her. She’s helping me. I start unrolling saying you’ll be okay, hang on there mister, don’t worry, etc, etc. We’re putting direct pressure on the wound and I keep saying “We have to keep this on and can’t take it off. Keep putting pressure. Keep putting pressure, don’t take it off. Stop the bleeding, we’ll watch him. You’re okay!”
He’s looking at me, but he’s not really there, you know. He’s still making noises and I keep talking to him, telling him to stick with us. Then he goes. I can see it.
It’s weird. I’ve done volunteering for hospice. I’ve seen people die and I’ve seen people who have just died. It seems different in hospice, I mean, you know it’s going to come eventually when you’re there. Now it’s just weird. It’s fast. I know what happened. There’s just no question at all. Fuck again.
Okay, I ask the employees if they have a CPR mask, as the dude’s not breathing, doesn’t have a heartbeat… No. I have one, I have one, I have one on my key chain, I have one, let’s use it. “Do you have an AED?” “No, we don’t have one here…” What? Seriously??? This is a huge store. How do you not have an AED??? Okay, okay, not important… I’m not saying this out loud, I’m just criticizing them in my head. How can you not have a CPR mask? This store is fucking full of old people, you’re telling me this is a first? Is this a first?
CPR. I can’t believe we’re using the pocket mask. I’m not supposed to be using this. Why am I using this pocket mask. I bought these pocket masks last holiday season, I gave them out to my staff to put on their keychains for their holiday present. I thought it would be good, if we were out with the guys around town we’d all always have one with us. I’m not supposed to be using this thing though, it’s just supposed to be hanging there off of my keys just in case. It’s just supposed to be there so I can show people that I’m prepared, not to use. Why are we using it? It’s nice. I like how nice it is it fits really great, and I’m glad I have it. I see there are a couple of people who are going to be helping. Good. We need help. I’m telling them how to do this, there’s another lady there also helping me.
An old man in a motorized cart drives up really fast and wants to get by us so he can go to his car or something and get on with his life. He yells at my individual “Hey buddy, get out of the way!” I turn and look at him and say “Don’t you dare talk to him like that!” He looks at me, looks down at the man who is dead, looks back, smiles and says “Oh, okay, I was only kidding!”… I say, “No you weren’t. Don’t talk to him like that.” All of this while not skipping a beat…
An employee says “Check his airway, check his airway!” There’s nothing in his airway dude, seriously. “He’s bleeding from his mouth!” No, he’s not, okay? I saw where he was cut- there’s no blood in his mouth. “Check his airway, check his airway!” Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. We know what we’re doing. Shut up.
This lady says “I’m going to call again, they should’ve been here!” I say, “You don’t have to, it actually hasn’t been that long… Just stay calm. They’ll be here.” I think they call again anyway, but I don’t really care what they do.
There they are, people wearing uniforms, nice, relief, breathe out. They’re running. Take over for us. I tell everyone to get back, get away, let them do their job, give them space.
Questions now, what happened, where is he cut, is he alone? I’m answering their questions as best as I can, he’s clutching onto his change, there’s a twenty dollar bill there, and it’s totally red. They say in the movies that blood in real life isn’t red. Looks red to me.
I take off gloves, look down, I’m clean, how the hell? Okay, that’s good. Gosh, I’m clean, that’s good! I get my individual, I give him a hug and ask if he’s okay. He laughs and says “I like firemen!!!” I do too. I tell him what a great job he did, and he says “Thank you, can I buy my stuff now?” Yes, you can. Hold on for just a second, we’ll buy your stuff…
The employees have a biohazard bag for the bloody paper towels and gloves. I’m wondering why on earth they have a biohazard bag when they don’t have any other medical supplies or equipment. Why do you have that thing, then? No, I’m not going to ask it, it’s not worth it… It’s so surreal. I hug that lady I knew. “Nice seeing you again, this is messed up.” She manages to smile at me and says “I know!” We hug again. I ask her if she needs anything else and if she’s okay. She’s okay, they don’t need us to stick around. My guy I’m with is getting antsy, he wants to go. He’s handling this so great. Good job, buddy.
We go look at the firetruck. The guy I’m with LOVES firetrucks. Hold it together and be calm and happy for him. Go look at the trucks with him.
People say weird things “Don’t blame yourself.” I don’t blame myself, it’s not my fault this happened. We all did what we could do. I comforted him and told him everything was going to be okay. I keep thinking it’s just awful that I was the person with him. Why couldn’t it have been someone he loved, or at least knew? Why a stranger?
I don’t want to be alone when I die, I want Heretic to be there. I want to be kind of old but not so old that I hate living. And I want my last words to be “Thanks for all the help God, you really did a number down here!” That’s my blasphemy for the day.
Blogging me rejoices.
Carved out styrofoam mannequin head that I have painted the interior of the eyes and mouth black.
Head gets covered in cotton batting. Usually I use latex carpet adhesive for this part, but this year I am trying Modge Podge to see how that finish will turn out, probably with some pantyhose. We’ll see how it works! I figured since I’m behind anyway, why not just try something new…
This is my zombie girl I made last year. She was made with the latex carpet adhesive instead of the Modge Podge. I stuck her on a cheap plastic skeleton torso which I spray painted the same color as her face. I also glued hair to her, which was probably the hardest part of all of this… She held up really well last year and is out again this year for round two.
Hurry, hurry, hurry! Get your super-fly cheap marriage licenses down at your county courthouse. IF you are willing to attend pre-marital counseling with a clergy person from your town, that is…
