What’s the LEAST you can do?

So, I know, I know- I haven’t been posting on here.  I can’t help it- my job is crazy busy AND I’m trying to finish school.  (3 more classes if anyone is keeping track.)

I thought I’d share this book I ran across on Amazon the other day:

What’s the LEAST I Can Believe and Still be a Christian?

It’s FREE right now if any of you are hankering to download your very own copy…

This of course prompted much hilarity on my Facebook page, and we started a series of ‘What’s the least you can do posts’.  It was great fun.  Here are some of my favorites:

What’s the least I can do and keep this job?

What’s the least I can do and still keep my dog alive?

What’s the least I can do and still keep mySELF alive?

What is the least you can do to still be considered hardcore porn?

What’s the least I can eat without being hospitalized for heart failure?

I also had to share my FAVORITE review of the book, which I find so blissfully ignorant that it makes me giggle every time I read it:

” Do not believe everything you read. If you believe the Bible is the inspired word of God and nothing should be changed, then this book is not for you.”

I of course wrote my own review and said: Take a little of your own advice, buttercup!

 

Snow Job

Well, I’m going back to college.  It’s either the smartest or the dumbest thing I’ve ever done- I guess we’ll find out soon!!

Today was a very snowy day here in Minnesota, pretty crap.  I park in the pay lot that is close to the buildings, and when I walked back to my car, I saw that a lady in a Kia Soul was blocking the only way out, and the man who usually works in the pay lot booth was trying to push her out by himself.

I also saw a young man, probably early 30′s, who looked very fit and strong and he saw us, too.  I thought for sure he’d stop to help, but he just walked over to his car and got in.

I’m thinking, “Wow, genius, none of us are leaving if we can’t move her!”  So I yelled to the guy if he wanted help and he yelled back that it would be nice.  I was helping push, but it just seemed like we needed one more person.  Meanwhile, the dip shit who won’t help is sitting in his car, waiting to pay and leave.  Again, it’s very obvious she is blocking the ONLY way out…

Finally, another guy comes up from way behind the line up and helps us, and with the 3 of us, we get her car pushed out.  We are happy and start to run back to our cars, and I take another look at the jerk who refused to help- he was wearing a priest collar!!!  He’s a priest!!!!  Lol.  Probably praying for God to move the car or something…

(On a side note, I’m super glad I bought my Mini Cooper, because I was seriously considering a Kia Soul at the time as well.  Gary (my beautiful, beautiful car) had NO trouble plowing through that mess today.  He’s a real champ.)

Christine O’Donnell for Halloween!

Yes, it’s true:  I went as Christine O’Donnell for Halloween.  A fairly easy costume to pull off.  Only one person when we went out knew who I was, I was walking through a crowd of people and someone asked about my ‘necklace’ and I just said “I’m you.”  Then a guy across the way said “But how do you feel about masturbation?”  YES!  He got it!!!

Finally, bypassed the IO Error…  Here it is:

What We Learned from the Elections

The elections this round were tough!  But there are some real life lessons contained in this year’s voting.  Let’s talk about some issues (mostly local to Minnesota, but also around the country!!!)

Turns out that even though CO is home to the Evangelical Vatican, that most folks in CO aren’t ready to put on their tin foil hats just yet!  Good news.

Turns out stoners really ARE just sitting on their couch eating Cheetos come election time.  Dude, put down the bong for thirty minutes and head to the polls next time.  Dude.

Turns out having a history of dabbling in witchcraft and also instructing others not to dabble with themselves can kind of lose some votes for you…

And locally in Minnesota:

Aw, look!  A state where even a giant bigoted sausage casing can have the chance to become Governor!  It’s really true that you can become anything when you grow up. Also, Minnesotans LOVE recounts…

And very, very locally:  You are supposed to be going to China for a business trip, but get totally wasted the night before to the point that you are driving around with an open container, running into things, and getting arrested.  So much so wasted, in fact, that you MISS YOUR FLIGHT TO CHINA and have to take a later one…  It turns out that people don’t really want you to be their mayor then…

Also, colored maps can help you decide where to live…

So there you have it, the highs and the lows.  Or rather, the lows and the lows, since getting high is still technically illegal.  Happy election day! 

Bishop Makes Poorly Timed Boner Joke

“Bishop Eddie Long on sex scandal:  ‘We will arise through this situation.’”. Ok…

Buddhists Bullied into Loving Christ

A Buddhist Temple in Rochester, MN has been the target of hate and vandalism for at least 7 years. The police say they will eventually catch the vandals and that it ‘just takes time’…  Right.  Dude, stop the morning, afternoon, and evening visits to Happy Chef and maybe like, drive by this place every here and there…

If anyone’s wondering who the perpetrators of the violence are, look no further than this piece of trash:  “Someone sprayed-painted “Jesus Saves” and a cross on their driveway last May.” Oh yep, it’s trashy, redneck Christians…

Turns out it works, though!  The Buddhists, seeing this in-your-face-display, were shocked and bullied into loving Jesus.  One was quoted as saying:

“A lifetime of introspection never led me to this conclusion.  But after seeing it spray-painted on my driveway, I seem to have found the truth.  A God that could make a hillbilly so angry and violent, that has to be some kind of God!”

Thanking God They WERE Hurt? What?

There was a terrible tragedy in the town where I work yesterday.  It sounds just awful, and even worse, there were two children involved…  One of the comments on the article, not edited by myself at all:

Thanking God there were bystanders hurt. My prayers go to these families.

What the hell?  This is a good example of the edu-ma-cated religious folk around here- I’m really glad you made such a ridiculous typo, though!  It gives someone a LOL when looking at this article, which is so not a LOL kind of article.  All I can think about are the children involved, and I hope that they are okay and that they are able to recover from this traumatic event.    It’s too bad that there are people in the world like this.

Link, again, in case you don’t believe me…

Racists, Homophobes in Tea Party- Who Knew?

Hey, check this out!

Turns out there are racists and homophobes in the Tea Party.  I’m a little confused about the ‘homophobe’ part, though, with all the tea-bagging going on…

God’s Will = Pedophilia

It’s just amazing to me how often “God’s Will” seems to equal pedophilia…

Article:  Uncle who “married” 10 year old girl charged with sex crimes

But you know, only a few people do things like this in the name of God, so it’s not really an issue.

Which reminds me of THIS article.  I just love this one, I think it’s beautiful.  Short and to the point, but very good for showing people the hypocrisy of clinging to such ideas.

“All that religious shit…”

Well, let’s just put it out in the open- my grandfather and I are estranged.

Long story short, prior to the last presidential election he was sending me some very untrue and VERY racist emails…  (The kind that are just disgusting and incite racial violence- you know, not the mild form of racism that most families can tolerate- though I believe they shouldn’t.)

I emailed him politely and held my tongue way down and said I’d really rather not receive political emails, but instead like to write letters, as in updates on what is happening in people’s lives and what not.  He has not talked to me since and did not come to our wedding party when Heretic and I got married…

BUT- he still sends me cards.  He sent me a hilarious birthday card for my big ol’ birthday a couple weeks ago, it was about family trees having nuts, lemons, etc., but it said that I was a peach…  (Yeah right, grandpa…)  He also sent along some money, so I thought I’d email him and thank him, tell him what I’m up to lately and what I’d probably spend the money on.  You know, the kind of stuff old people want to know when they send you money.  (Because of course you spent THAT five dollars on exactly something, you didn’t just commingle it with the rest of your filthy money to be spent on WHATEVER!)

He never answered my email, of course.  I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt- maybe he didn’t get it- and my mom asked him if he got my email.  He said that yes he got it, and that it had “all of that religious shit” in it…  This confused me greatly, as this is the exact copy of my email (with my name and husband’s name removed):

Grandma and Grandpa:

Thank you for the birthday card and gift of money, I really appreciate it.

I liked the card a lot, it was my favorite one.  Though I have to admit, I think I’m more of a nut than a peach.  (It’s okay, “husband” and I are pretty weird…) 

I am working on opening an online shop with vintage and homemade jewelry, it should be pretty fun.  I have all of my supplies and shipping boxes and stuff.  I am going to get some clipart to make some pendants, so I will probably buy a book and CD I’ve been looking at for making jewelry.

I love you guys,

“Sunny”

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

So, what is it?  Is he confused about the Saint-Exupery quote on my email signature?  This is what I’m guessing…  The real kicker is, I guess he’s all into religion now because of Glenn Beck and the rest of the insane Republicans and Libertarians, so not sure why he’d be so derogatory if he thought I was as well…

I always have to have a chuckle about him, if he really knew anything about me I know that he’d die of cardiac arrest…